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Response to August 2004 Sacred Journal Dearest Charlene, Thanks for your splendid journal, I look forward to each and every issue. Also, you asked for thoughts on your journal, here are mine, feel free to edit them any way you see fit. Well, as I sit here looking out from my art studio at the beautiful lake that my home is on, I am reading your newsletter and understanding each and every word. I truly believe that what you have said is true. I grew up in a very poor family, my mom worked very hard as a secretary mostly, although she was an accomplished journalist, but her biggest task was taking care of my mentally ill brother. Everything in our lives, centered around my brother, what we could eat (as he only ate junk food), how long it would take to cook (as he was a holy terror, and my mom couldn't leave him alone for a second), taking him to doctors, and therapists, and anyone who had a "way" that might cure him. Along with all of this, my mom had to do all the normal chores of everyday life, cook, clean, do washing, the dishes, go to the store and still hold down a 9 to 5 job. I might add that she did this terribly well, in a world where divorce was pretty much a tabu and there was no welfare, or food stamps or assistance on child care. At age 9, we moved from a home and friends that I loved, and being only 1 hour away from my beloved grandparents, to Tacoma, to a new life, a new lifestyle (the weather was especially difficult to deal with) -- as a child, I loved playing in the snow and the sunshine, and Tacoma was about 99% rain to me, and not warn enough in summer to go swimming, and not cold enough in winter to have snow. We only saw my grandparents about once a year after that, before we saw them practically every weekend. I always missed growing up with grandparents close by, to play with me, to take me to the malt shop, to read me stories, to tell me the family stories over and over, so I could remember them, to sit on their laps, and cuddle their big teddy bear softness, etc. Now what does this have to do with your newsletter? I'll explain. I do not see my life as a poverty stricken, abuse ridden life. Although I spent most of my youth in emergency rooms, because my big brother took out all of his hostility and aggression on my physical person. I do not see my life as a struggle to overcome my past. I do not see my life as anything but a wonderful experience of love, and light. I remember fondly my friends from the past, in all areas of my life. I remember being my mom's best friend, and being taken into her confidence so we could together help my brother. I remember all the times we made toys out of cardboard boxes that I found on the street, and toys that others had discarded. I remember running in the tall grass, as no one had money or time to mow it. I remember laying in that grass and looking at clouds to figure out what they might look like (I think this is one of the many ways, that my creativity blossomed at an early age). We didn't even have a phone. Hence, my past has changed, from remembering the challenges, and pain and turmoil, to remembering the wonders of life and nature. I look at each day in my life as a budding adventure yet to unfold in front of me. I wake each day in my lover's arms, looking forward to the bliss I find in having him in my life. I see each day as an exciting new beginning to everything in my world. I find each day as the perfect place to be and live and spend my time. It is just that I have learned from the past, that life is short, and I am choosing to live each and every second to the fullest with the ultimate passion of being alive. there are things that don't seem fair, so instead of wondering, "Why me?" I am learning total and complete acceptance to everything that comes my way, sometimes life isn't easy, so I have learned to be a tenacious, determined individual that doesn't take no for an answer, although I do pick my battles carefully. All in all my past, with all of it's weird little quirks and strangeness, seems normal to me, I don't see the poverty or lack in anything. Although I am a very strong individual and over achiever, I like that about myself, and truly see no other way to do my life. My past was changed in my mind, so it was changed in my reality. My future is being created at this moment, with the loving thoughts I give it. But my most precious commodity is being able to live in the present, to live each and every moment to it's passionate fullest. To eat, drink, and breath in each and every morsel, because when it is gone, there is no more then, there is only now, so each "NOW" that I have, I spend wisely. I do not want to come to the end of my life safely, feeling that I still have some time left, and where did all the joys go, I want to come to the end of this life, feeling totally spent, ready to go, willing to sleep, and knowing that I did each and every thing that was available to me in my life to live. I choose to live my life one second at a time, relishing each and every tidbit of my experience that I call my life. And I wish you the same joy. Love and light, Christine | |||
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